You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
