apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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