due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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