Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So apparently I’m into choking now
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