well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
