Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
