This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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