in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She told me I should be a condom model.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
