You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
