Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
