Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
