was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
