Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize