Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
