WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
