i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
