Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
