i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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