Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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