why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
