Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
