Your dad touched me again.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
