I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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