in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
