youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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