His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
