my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
