Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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