i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
my nose is crying tears of wow.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
