he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
