the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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