So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
