Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
