You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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