dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
