You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
