Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
