Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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