Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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