I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
