Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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