Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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