So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
