First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
So vagazzling was a success
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
