You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
