My underwear smells like fireworks.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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