Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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