he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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