I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
