My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I just googled if crying burns calories
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
