I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
