the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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