Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
