My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
