Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
