Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
