do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
