everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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