Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
