i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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