He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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