i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
