That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
