DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
