I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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