i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize