is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I think my vagina is haunted
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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