Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
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