if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
