I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
