Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
