And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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