So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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