Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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