I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
