You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
