at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
