i think my tv is drunk
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
