I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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