Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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