He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
