okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
