I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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