Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
