i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
