there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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