Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
