I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
