Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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