i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
