Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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