I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
