he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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