Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
