I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
