i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
