please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize