my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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