Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
