I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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