Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
