Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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