and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
