I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
