You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
