your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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