how can u be prego again
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
